Sample Chapter - Table
What do you do when a husband says, “I just want out!” We
like to believe that marriage is a lifelong commitment. But
when he leaves, it shakes a woman to the core. She just wants
to survive intact. For her kids. For her parents. For herself.
Both authors write from first-hand experience of unwanted divorce. They bring a warm and transparent woman-to-woman connection to others who find themselves newly separated or abandoned. It confronts relationship abuse and manipulation and lets women know that they aren’t going crazy, that God still loves them, and that they will live and laugh again.
This book offers understanding and encouragement to women left feeling rejected, unloved, and overwhelmed by the myriad of legal and day-to-day tasks and emotions during this stressful time. Sometimes the family home must be sold, many women must find outside work for the first time, children continue to need nurturing, and faith wavers.
A lasting tool for pastors, counselors, family members and friends, When He Leaves is a must read for women or men experiencing the pain of separation or divorce as well as an invaluable resource for people wishing to be sensitive to those who have experienced the trauma of divorce.
is graced with the ability to distill the wisdom of life and
see things that other people don't see and write about them."
says Marlee Alex, former editor of Virtue magazine. She looks
beyond the superficial, the accepted, and the traditional."
"Encouragement that will be like fresh
water to a thirsty soul..."
"Finally someone wrote the book that was screaming to be written"
Actor who portrayed Jesus- Video Bible production, The
Gospel of Matthew.
"What powerful scab-scraping
honesty, empathy, vulnerability..."
Dr. Karen Hayter,
TV host and Producer
"No matter what you've thought...or heard since your divorce,
you haven't heard enough until you've read West and Quinn..."
Phyllis Wallace, Radio Host, Envoy Productions
Flinging open the windows to their own post-divorce experiences,
Kari West and Noelle Quinn invite you to share in their personal
healing process. Carefully avoiding old-hat fix-it advice,
they demonstrate that life not only will go forward, it can
be done with a richer and deeper awareness of God's tender
guidance and care.
Les Carter, Ph.D,
counselor, The Minirth Clinic.
"As a professor of clinical psychology and a therapist, I
look forward to recommending this work to my students, clients
and all who suffer similarly--as well as to professionals
in helping positions. This volume offers hope, encouragement,
Gary H. Strauss, Ed.D,
Assistant Professor , Rosemead School of Psychology, Biola
Print and BroadCast Media:
"An empowering book for women experiencing the crucible of
divorce. Writing with unique perspective, Kari and Noelle
do not sugarcoat the pain and consequences, but offer hope
that God can rebuild the broken places. I believe this book
will a cherished how-to-survival manual for those who
want to go from being a victim to one who triumphs."
Editor at large, Virtue
"Unexpected in its candor. Stirring in the courage to write
what is unspeakably private. Important in its insistence on
confronting betrayal. All with an insistent belief in God's
grace. I know these authors, have seen them cry, and watched
their struggle to believe again. The corporate experience
of two women defies trite answers. This is a story for
everyone who has believed in the power of love."
"Only from deep pain could come these life-giving insights
by Noelle Quinn and Kari West. From their personal dark nights
they've emerged not only with tools for surviving the darkness,
but with a vision of life renewed and joy reclaimed."
Author and Roving Editor, Guideposts
"If he leaves, he leaves. But the broken pieces of your life
don't have to stay. No matter what you've thought, prayed,
said, or heard since your divorce, you haven't heard enough
until you've read West and Quinn...Just when you thought you
couldn't face tomorrow, here's hope for every woman abandoned
by her mate,every counselor's resource shelf, and every friend
wanting to listen more effectively."
Host, Woman to Woman Lutheran Hour Ministries
"What a marvelous book- so useful for our ministry! I almost
felt the emotions. Now I have a real understanding of single
J. Otis Ledbetter,
Founder - Chestnut Ministries, author- The Heritage Builders
"I liked this book for its examples. Kari and Noelle shared
their lives and gave us a view..."
Author and founder Family Life Mission
"This book is important for pastors and those working with
the divorced! They must see the extreme trauma and sense of
alienation from Christian fellowship that can often accompany
this tragedy. This book so vividly portrays the suffering
of divorce that Christian's principles are supported. The
proclamation of grace and forgiveness in divorce does not
dilute Christian's standards. It rather strengthens them."
Paul E. Larsen,
President, The Evangelical Covenant Church
"Rooted in vivid, realistic experience, this book deserves
to rise to the top of the lists for women in whatever stage
of divorce. Written with luminous description and analytical
skills, this book is highly instructive both in healing and
practical points. Quotations and sidebars will be copied and
kept on refrigerator doors. I applaud this fine work!"
Dwight H. Small,
Professor Emeritus, Westmont College; author, Remarriage
and God's Redeeming Grace
"A fabulous work of hope and direction for any woman who
has loved and lost...The answers are here, written with a
lyrical quality, embroidered with honesty, and woven with
the eternal truths of scripture."
Robin Jones Gunn
Author, Best-selling Christian Romance novelist.
"Kari and Noelle have survived with honor and balance; now
they have the credentials to help others. When He Leaves
will give uplifting and inspirational challenges to the women
who have endured overwhelming loss from a broken marriage.
It will jumpstart them on the road to becoming well again
and prove to be a handbook for women who feel they cannot
make a fresh start."
Author, Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy
(p.180) from: When He Leaves
"I found the ability to adapt and grow goes far beyond those
Be content whatever the circumstances sermons. I recall
the panic and confinement I felt at the beginning as I adjusted
to being single again in an unfamiliar house. Little sun came
through the windows. And it wasn't the lack of activity that
got me down. After a full day's work, I came home to more:
sorting laundry as my printer pounded out the work I had brought
home; helping with homework as I proofread. I appreciated
friends who helped me regain my sense of self and showed it
was possible to make a new start.
I thought of mother's garden, created with "starts" from friends
and relatives. My great-grandmother tucked a wild yellow rose
in her trunk when she emigrated from Ireland. My mother passed
one on to me. "Nurturing a new start takes my mind off myself,"
she says. "I think about where it came from." Each time a
start is given away, it will need to adapt to a new environment
and does better if given extra attention.
Friends who were transparent helped me confront my fears;
I saw how they had grown through their losses. They helped
me accept the divorce card I had been dealt by showing they
held different ones that weren't necessarily better: widowhood,
illness, problems with children. They gave me confidence I,
too, could adapt and thrive on my own again.
Nurturing also came from those who didn't know what to say
but stayed in touch anyway. "I apologize," Mary said recently.
She and her husband had been our next-door neighbors for over
ten years. "I had no idea what you were going through or I
would have done things differently." Yet I treasured her phone
calls, invites to tea, and help taping my new answering machine
message. Just remaining my friend was enough.
Arlene had to pursue me. My friend since grade school, she'd
been my maid of honor. Embarrassed by the divorce, I seldom
stayed in touch, and she couldn't come to the wedding. When
we met again after my remarriage, she shared her own troubles.
We cried together. I popped open a dusty box of journals and
for the first time shared them with another person. Arlene
gave me permission to touch my pain again and see it from
a distance. The high and low moments I had endured in my crash
zone helped her..."
|1) We Know You
Sharing those sacred, private places and the healing on its way
|6) I Need Time
to Feel So I Can Heal
Give yourself time to feel the good grief, it's okay
to embrace pain
|11) I am Going
to Make It
Breathing deeply again as you learn to go it on your
|2) Kari's Snapshots
Word Pictures from Kari's scrapbook of memories
|7) I am Giving
Myself a Chance
Discovering what God says about your future, you can
redefine your life accordingly
|12) It's Time
As you refuse to give up and determine to thrive, you
adapt and grow
|3) Noelle's Snapshots
Word Pictures from Noelle's scrapbook of memories
|8) I am Not Disappearing
Live with vision of what life can be six months, a
year, five years from now
|13) I Like the
Your legacy: wealth in discernment, insight, and reverence
for who you are
|4) I Have God
More than a national statistic, you are an invaluable
|9) It's Okay
to Lighten Up and Let Go
Losses can take you deeper in faith, with your cooperation
|14) My Children
You'll survive the mother of all wild rides: single
|5) My Hope is
You can move on with grace, so explorer the possibilities
|10) My Ticket
What forgiveness is and is not; moving beyond anger
|15) I'm Laughing
Your birthright is laughter and pleasure in a multitude
of little things
||16) I am Safe,
Secure, and Loved
Affirm that you are becoming more than you ever dreamed