Endorsements  -  Sample Chapter  -  Table of Contents

What do you do when a husband says, I just want out! We like to believe that marriage is a lifelong commitment. But when he leaves, it shakes a woman to the core. She just wants to survive intact. For her kids. For her parents. For herself.

Both authors write from first-hand experience of unwanted divorce. They bring a warm and transparent woman-to-woman connection to others who find themselves newly separated or abandoned. It confronts relationship abuse and manipulation and lets women know that they arent going crazy, that God still loves them, and that they will live and laugh again.

This book offers understanding and encouragement to women left feeling rejected, unloved, and overwhelmed by the myriad of legal and day-to-day tasks and emotions during this stressful time. Sometimes the family home must be sold, many women must find outside work for the first time, children continue to need nurturing, and faith wavers.

A lasting tool for pastors, counselors, family members and friends, When He Leaves is a must read for women or men experiencing the pain of separation or divorce as well as an invaluable resource for people wishing to be sensitive to those who have experienced the trauma of divorce.



 Kari is graced with the ability to distill the wisdom of life and see things that other people don't see and write about them." says Marlee Alex, former editor of Virtue magazine. She looks beyond the superficial, the accepted, and the traditional."

"Encouragement that will be like fresh water to a thirsty soul..."
Barbara Johnson,

Best-selling author

"Finally someone wrote the book that was screaming to be written"
Bruce Marchiano,
Actor who portrayed Jesus- Video Bible production, The Gospel of Matthew.

"What powerful scab-scraping honesty, empathy, vulnerability..."
Dr. Karen Hayter
TV host and Producer

"No matter what you've thought...or heard since your divorce, you haven't heard enough until you've read West and Quinn..."
Phyllis Wallace, Radio Host, Envoy Productions

Flinging open the windows to their own post-divorce experiences, Kari West and Noelle Quinn invite you to share in their personal healing process. Carefully avoiding old-hat fix-it advice, they demonstrate that life not only will go forward, it can be done with a richer and deeper awareness of God's tender guidance and care.
Les Carter, Ph.D,
counselor, The Minirth Clinic.

"As a professor of clinical psychology and a therapist, I look forward to recommending this work to my students, clients and all who suffer similarly--as well as to professionals in helping positions. This volume offers hope, encouragement, and direction."
Gary H. Strauss, Ed.D,
Assistant Professor
, Rosemead School of Psychology, Biola University.

Print and BroadCast Media:
"An empowering book for women experiencing the crucible of divorce. Writing with unique perspective, Kari and Noelle do not sugarcoat the pain and consequences, but offer hope that God can rebuild the broken places. I believe this book will a cherished how-to-survival manual for those who want to go from being a victim to one who triumphs."
Nancie Carmichael,
Editor at large, Virtue

"Unexpected in its candor. Stirring in the courage to write what is unspeakably private. Important in its insistence on confronting betrayal. All with an insistent belief in God's grace. I know these authors, have seen them cry, and watched their struggle to believe again. The corporate experience of two women defies trite answers. This is a story for everyone who has believed in the power of love."
Jeanette Thompson,
Editor, Aspire

"Only from deep pain could come these life-giving insights by Noelle Quinn and Kari West. From their personal dark nights they've emerged not only with tools for surviving the darkness, but with a vision of life renewed and joy reclaimed."
Elizabeth Sherrill,
Author and Roving Editor, Guideposts

Family Ministries:
"If he leaves, he leaves. But the broken pieces of your life don't have to stay. No matter what you've thought, prayed, said, or heard since your divorce, you haven't heard enough until you've read West and Quinn...Just when you thought you couldn't face tomorrow, here's hope for every woman abandoned by her mate,every counselor's resource shelf, and every friend wanting to listen more effectively."
Phyllis Wallace,
Host, Woman to Woman Lutheran Hour Ministries

"What a marvelous book- so useful for our ministry! I almost felt the emotions. Now I have a real understanding of single moms."
J. Otis Ledbetter,
Founder - Chestnut Ministries,
author- The Heritage Builders Series.

"I liked this book for its examples. Kari and Noelle shared their lives and gave us a view..."
Ingrid Trobisch,
Author and founder
Family Life Mission

"This book is important for pastors and those working with the divorced! They must see the extreme trauma and sense of alienation from Christian fellowship that can often accompany this tragedy. This book so vividly portrays the suffering of divorce that Christian's principles are supported. The proclamation of grace and forgiveness in divorce does not dilute Christian's standards. It rather strengthens them."
Paul E. Larsen,
President, The Evangelical Covenant Church

"Rooted in vivid, realistic experience, this book deserves to rise to the top of the lists for women in whatever stage of divorce. Written with luminous description and analytical skills, this book is highly instructive both in healing and practical points. Quotations and sidebars will be copied and kept on refrigerator doors. I applaud this fine work!"
Dwight H. Small,
Professor Emeritus, Westmont College; author, Remarriage and God's Redeeming Grace

Published Authors:
"A fabulous work of hope and direction for any woman who has loved and lost...The answers are here, written with a lyrical quality, embroidered with honesty, and woven with the eternal truths of scripture."
Robin Jones Gunn
Author, Best-selling Christian Romance novelist.

"Kari and Noelle have survived with honor and balance; now they have the credentials to help others. When He Leaves will give uplifting and inspirational challenges to the women who have endured overwhelming loss from a broken marriage. It will jumpstart them on the road to becoming well again and prove to be a handbook for women who feel they cannot make a fresh start."
Barbara Johnson
Author, Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy



  Book Excerpt (p.180) from: When He Leaves
"I found the ability to adapt and grow goes far beyond those Be content whatever the circumstances sermons. I recall the panic and confinement I felt at the beginning as I adjusted to being single again in an unfamiliar house. Little sun came through the windows. And it wasn't the lack of activity that got me down. After a full day's work, I came home to more: sorting laundry as my printer pounded out the work I had brought home; helping with homework as I proofread. I appreciated friends who helped me regain my sense of self and showed it was possible to make a new start.

I thought of mother's garden, created with "starts" from friends and relatives. My great-grandmother tucked a wild yellow rose in her trunk when she emigrated from Ireland. My mother passed one on to me. "Nurturing a new start takes my mind off myself," she says. "I think about where it came from." Each time a start is given away, it will need to adapt to a new environment and does better if given extra attention.

Friends who were transparent helped me confront my fears; I saw how they had grown through their losses. They helped me accept the divorce card I had been dealt by showing they held different ones that weren't necessarily better: widowhood, illness, problems with children. They gave me confidence I, too, could adapt and thrive on my own again.

Nurturing also came from those who didn't know what to say but stayed in touch anyway. "I apologize," Mary said recently. She and her husband had been our next-door neighbors for over ten years. "I had no idea what you were going through or I would have done things differently." Yet I treasured her phone calls, invites to tea, and help taping my new answering machine message. Just remaining my friend was enough.

Arlene had to pursue me. My friend since grade school, she'd been my maid of honor. Embarrassed by the divorce, I seldom stayed in touch, and she couldn't come to the wedding. When we met again after my remarriage, she shared her own troubles. We cried together. I popped open a dusty box of journals and for the first time shared them with another person. Arlene gave me permission to touch my pain again and see it from a distance. The high and low moments I had endured in my crash zone helped her..."



1) We Know You
Sharing those sacred, private places and the healing on its way to you

6) I Need Time to Feel So I Can Heal
Give yourself time to feel the good grief, it's okay to embrace pain

11) I am Going to Make It
Breathing deeply again as you learn to go it on your own

2) Kari's Snapshots
Word Pictures from Kari's scrapbook of memories

7) I am Giving Myself a Chance
Discovering what God says about your future, you can redefine your life accordingly
12) It's Time to Thrive
As you refuse to give up and determine to thrive, you adapt and grow

3) Noelle's Snapshots
Word Pictures from Noelle's scrapbook of memories

8) I am Not Disappearing
Live with vision of what life can be six months, a year, five years from now

13) I Like the New Me
Your legacy: wealth in discernment, insight, and reverence for who you are

4) I Have God and Me
More than a national statistic, you are an invaluable treasure

9) It's Okay to Lighten Up and Let Go
Losses can take you deeper in faith, with your cooperation
14) My Children Are Listening
You'll survive the mother of all wild rides: single parenting
5) My Hope is Increasing
You can move on with grace, so explorer the possibilities with patience
10) My Ticket Outta Here
What forgiveness is and is not; moving beyond anger

15) I'm Laughing Again
Your birthright is laughter and pleasure in a multitude of little things

    16) I am Safe, Secure, and Loved
Affirm that you are becoming more than you ever dreamed possible



Copyright 2002 by Kari West
  Webmaster: Living Hope, Inc.